Devilish times


I’ve heard older women tell stories of gruesome experiences they’ve had with their partners and still chose to stay in their union. They proceed to tell about how they are so great together despite all the devilish experiences their partners put them through in the past.

This has always amazed me, how do you stick around and continue being committed to someone who is blatantly telling you to piss off with their words, actions and aura? How do you then turn around and love that person again after they are done pissing all over you?

Well my friend, they say growing up is the bitch and hell yeah they couldn’t be more right!

There comes a time when you meet the angelic saviour that does everything right, all the things you’d seen happen to others, happen to you. This angel loves you just right, exactly the way you wanna be loved. They take you home to meet their mama and papa, for a 30-something year old single mom with three kids who’d never experienced that kind of acceptance, doesn’t that just say “YES HE IS THE ONE”?

In these angelic chapters, all you pray about is gratitude for ever finally experiencing this love, for this partner just knows exactly what you need before you even utter a word, wipes your tears as you deal with life’s blows, and gently nudges you out of your comfort zone (read hiding corner) to start living life on the edge, be bold, live your heart out and break away from the same old boring routine you’ve known all your life.

He then continues to capture the hearts of not just your family and friends, but your children from previous relationships too! When they talk about him you see their tender faces glow up. When he calls they jump first competing to be the ones who receive the call. In every interaction he never forgets to ask about them, talk to them. When he gifts you he includes the whole entourage. Every conversation between you involves not just you but your beautiful offspring as well. Actually, they are not just your children, they are his and yours together!

Then almost like a witchy spell, things flip to the other side of the coin. And devilish times start creeping in.

Initially as you see the signs you keep telling yourself that you are being paranoid because of all the previous experiences. As you keep analysing the now questionable behaviours, you keep having to second guess your intuition. This person has won everyone over, and he is so smooth in his game, everyone points all fault and the tumbling times to you being paranoid.

Of course he never misses a step in his play around the entourage family and friends, wanting to maintain his image as the angelic saviour. But then again, every time you see this act you now know that there is a wolf underneath this sheepish angel presenting. The most difficult aspect is exposing the wolf side because honestly, every intuitive nudge is downplayed to paranoia by your sensible logical self and everyone else who only sees the good flip side of the coin.

Until one day, the wolf tail starts showing up, too long to hide under the sheep cover. All of a sudden the devil ๐Ÿ‘ฟ is out to play in full view of everyone, and damn, guess what, there’s another unsuspecting third party who’s now being given the angelic treat. It does take a while to register that oh okay we have now moved on to different versions of the same character.

At this point you’re not even sure who exactly you met and fell in love with. You get even more confused by the expose you have experienced, was it all play or was it ever genuine?

The great sweet nothings you whispered in each other’s ears in the middle of the night become matter of debate on whether there was ever any truth in them.

The nude videos and photos are still haunting you in your hard drive, should you delete them or keep as mementos? The fears about nudic public expose’ become a real matter to deliberate and make peace with. Given the devil facing you now, who knows where those could end up?

This is the point where I now wonder, is it ever possible to recover from such deceit, betrayal and manslaughter?

Is it really possible to ever overlook that at any point and continue to hold on to the promises made during the angelic times?

Is life really meant to take us to such depths of grief, betrayal and heartbreak for us to learn more about love?

I’ve heard people tell me about how I love unconditionally. I wonder if there ever is a limit to the unconditional aspect.

Nobody is perfect, but hell, the devil is just a bit too fiery to keep in the folds when the devil’s fire is blazing and threatens to burn the life out of my bliss.

Some people naturally adore blazing fires, for the fire is in their blood. They carelessly dance in it like it’s nothing, just like the naked woman dancing with a snake in the movie Dusk till Dawn.

I’m just earth, thriving on water to quench my thirst and oxygen to breathe life into my earthly body.

When the devil’s fire is rising, water is calming, abundant and healing, air cools off the heat.

I can’t ever imagine myself fried up in that fiery drama!

So it makes sense to grab that bucket full of water and put the fire out in an effort to save myself from hell. Then cool off in fresh breeze of open fields rolling across the vast open lands surrounding me.

If you were in these shoes, what would you do?

Author: Ncumisa Nomna Mbusi

Nomna is a change coach, writer and creative entrepreneur living in Johannesburg whose vision is embracing and nurturing the unique mind, body and souls of those who cross her path. Her entrepreneurial journey revolves around people, art and design, travelling, music and food initiatives she is passionate about and writing about these passions.

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